For quite some time we have had issues with our daughter. Her behavior issues were out of control and I had to seek counseling for help. We see a therapist, psychiatrist and even tried family services that did in-home counseling with the entire family. She was diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder and put on medication.
Normally I am very against meds for children, but I couldn’t handle her anymore. Seriously I was in tears all day, every day because of her behavior, screaming, yelling, kicking, throwing….it was too much for anyone to handle. She calmed down somewhat and seemed to be able to actually stop herself from throwing a fit, but they didn’t fully stop.
The last time we went to the psychiatrist I was told that there are no meds in the world that will change her fits and outbursts. I was told it was issues with my parenting, basically. I was told to ignore her fits and not pay attention to her when she was yelling, screaming and being disobedient. *sigh* I know the issue is with her dad and his uuummm..lack of being active in her life (to say the least). I was told not to say anything negative about him and only say positive things. It’s hard to do, but I try.
Fine, we’ll ignore her screaming at us. Do you know how hard it is when a kid is screaming directly at you to just ignore her. We did it. Well, the first day we noticed it helped and then it got SO much worse. I was in tears. She refused to do any chores and just yelled at us for everything.
What do we do?!!?
She blamed her step dad (my husband) for everything. He was mean to her, he butted in, everything was his fault. He didn’t even have to look at her and she would scream at him.
I had it.
I took her to the store with me and decided to have a talk with her. I had to break it down and tell her that it isn’t my fault or her step dads fault for the issues she is having with her dad. I told her that she was being mean and it needed to stop. I told her she screams for nothing and we can’t take it anymore. She said she didn’t think she was, so I told her going forward I would point it out and she couldn’t get mad at me. She agreed.
She yelled a few times and after I reminded her….she stopped. Her entire attitude changed. She was a different girl.
I took her to counseling the other day and was scared to tell them that I straight up told her how it was and that she needed to stop. I directly told her to quit blaming us for what her dad did. It isn’t our fault and we can’t change him. This was the exact opposite of what they wanted me to do. Sometimes mami knows best. It worked.
Much to my surprise I wasn’t told I did the wrong thing and she was happy that our house had calmed down. Whew!
Maybe hearing the truth is what she needed. Maybe she just needed to be told the truth. No sugar-coating, no pretending everything is okay. Just truth. Some times it works…..despite what the “experts” say. :)
She is still on her medication to help control her mood swings, but she is so much happier. I forgot her pill one day and FORGET IT, she was an emotional mess. She can’t control her outbursts. We will continue the medication, but at least we figured out the second half to the behavior problems.
Listen to your intuition….you are the parent and sometimes you know what is best. :)