Having children with behavior disorders is one of the hardest things to deal with. I know it isn’t my children’s fault when they are screaming at me, throwing things or even stomping. They have a disorder that means they can’t control those behaviors.
That doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
My daughter is the absolute worst. She has Intermittent Explosive Disorder. This basically means she “explodes” at even the slightest issue that wouldn’t phase most children. Telling her no to anything can cause a fit that lasts for hours. She kicks, screams, hits….whatever she can possibly do to make life miserable. I had to tell the neighbors about her disorder just so they don’t think we are beating her because I know they can hear her screaming at us.
I take her to counseling every week and a psychiatrist once a month. She takes Zoloft to help, and for a while it really helped….but it isn’t working anymore. At this very moment she is screaming at the top of her lungs from her room. It all started because my husband told her not to go outside when they were here to hook up our heater. She immediately came in and asked me if she could check the mail. I didn’t know she was told she had to stay in. She grabbed the key, ran out and gave a devilish smile to my husband who was outside. She knew what she was doing. He came in after her and told her she wasn’t supposed to go outside. She threw a fit, threw the key down, stomped and started yelling. I told her to go to her room….of course she refused.
I can’t take it anymore.
It’s been over half an hour of her screaming in her room. (I had to pick her up and put her in her room.) She is kicking her door and screaming to let her out.
Why is parenting so hard?
One moment can be pure bliss and having so much fun with the kids, and the next is this. It is miserable and there are many times I wonder what I was thinking having kids to begin with. Is this wrong? Maybe, that makes me feel guilty. I see these moms who have well-behaved children and they enjoy spending time with them. I honestly hate the days are off school because I know it will be pure hell all day. I don’t want to take the kids out in public to do anything because I don’t want one of these fits to start where people can see.
People can judge me, but they don’t know what it is like to live like this. No one understands what it is like to have a child with a behavior disorder..unless you have one. You can give advice and tell me what you do to control your children, but I bet it doesn’t work for Kylie.
I know she doesn’t LIKE throwing these fits. She looks miserable while she is crying and just can’t stop. What can I do?!? I can sit with her and just hug her and sometimes that helps to calm her down….but it is all.the.time. I get to where I just let her scream and I sit downstairs, crying.
The other night we had an hour screaming fit because it was bed time and we told her she could only have water to drink. She wanted soda. We told her there is no way, she can get a small drink of water. The fit was insane. She kicked my husband, threw everything off her bed and screamed for what seemed like forever.
Am I the only parent that feels like this?
I feel like a horrible mom to even think that I wish I wasn’t a parent. I wish I didn’t have to deal with this day in and day out. This doesn’t mean I don’t love my children and I would do anything in the world for them. Obviously I care about them to spend so much time trying to get them the help they need to control their behaviors.
What do I do?
We were planning on leaving the kids at the grandparents house for a while so I could go to the gym. With the fit that Kylie is throwing there is NO WAY we can leave her. I get to miss out, again. I needed a break, I needed a way to relieve some stress, but of course I can’t go.
I’m over it.
About Amber
I don’t know what to say but I wish the best for you and your family. <3
Thank you Stacey!
Ya know, raising children is suppose to be a pleasure but like you, I’ve had my issues with it also. At times I just wanted to bang my head against a wall and cry. But then I would tell myself “treat them like you are babysitting someone elses childred”, it helps, I kept my cool and returned to sanity. But boy did it test me! Now my children are raised and gone, and now my grandchildren are doing the same thing…for once I am glad to say “I’m glad they aren’t mine LOL” Hang in there, it gets better hon.
I have cried SO much because of my kids. It is so hard to calm down and just relax..maybe I will try this….pretending they aren’t my own will be much easier than telling myself I must have done something wrong for my kids to be SO defiant!
I wish you the best <3 <3 <3
Thank you Rama!
I TRULY FEEL SORRY FOR YOU. I HAVE A COUSIN THAT HAS AN AUTISTIC CHILD. THAT I SEE AS BEING SO HARD. I ALWAYS WONDERED OF I WAS PLAGUED WITH THAT KIND OF STRESS, BUT HURT TOO.HURT CAN TURN INTO ANGER THEN GUILT. IT IS A CIRCLE OF CONFUSION. I AM NOT SO SURE IF I HAD THE CHOICE, IF I COULD STAY OR WALK AWAY. I AM BEING TOTALLY HONEST. YOU NEED SOME ASSISTANCE SOON THAT WOULD ALLOW YOU SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF. IT IS NECESSARY FOR YOUR WELL BEING. I HOPE YOU FIND SOME INNER PEACE:)
Thank you Kathleen! It is so hard to deal with and you never know that things will be this difficult when you are holding a sweet little baby. They grow up and you just never know. I think I’m getting my own gym membership so I can go DAILY and relieve a little stress!
There is no reason to feel guilty for the thoughts you’re having! I’m sure that everyone feels that way at one point or another. Raising kids is one of the hardest jobs out there, and I’m learning that as I go. I wish you and your family the best, and I hope you can find some solutions.
Thank you for your kind words. It is a harder job than anyone realized until they are there.
Raising children is hard especially since the most of the responsibility remains on the woman (no matter how much the man is involved). I say stick with it…your child wil thank you in the end. Never stop trying to find the answers…I hope this helps
Thank you Shaunie. We are continuing to see what will help. Just when we think we have it figured out, everything goes back to square one. It is very tiring, but eventually something has to work, right?
Motherhood, adulthood, it’s all so hard and I can only imagine what it’s like when you add a child with behavioral issues to the mix. You are doing a great job with your kids and hugging your daughter and loving her is all you can do. I hope things get better soon. Big hugs!
Oh I wish so much that I had some helpful tips for you! Sending you lots of ((((cyber hugs)))) and will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!
I used to think when my oldest son was a baby that things would get easier once he was older and not a baby anymore. Ha! Babies are easy! He’s 9 now and a very difficult child in terms of temperament. He hasn’t been diagnosed with anything, but he gets angry a lot and he causes a lot of strife at home. I sympathize with your situation!
You have absolutely no reason to feel bad for feeling the way you do. You’re right when you say no one can understand what it’s like to have a child with a behavioral disorder unless you have one. And even then, what works for one child doesn’t always work for another because each child is different. I’ve heard when your daughter is having one of her fits or not responding to things you tell her. She is blessed to have a loving mom like you that still tries to do everything for her and loves her. Parenting isn’t easy but I say you’re doing a great job considering the circumstances. Do not beat yourself up over this. It’s not fair to you. You’re doing the best you can and I commend you for it.
I don’t know your child. I do know I had a very strong willed child. I have listened to talks about this. It is true each is unique. If you could start giving her attention for the good things and not hugging or giving her positive reinforcement for the bad stuff. It can be a battle against the wills for sure. I am so glad that I am a Grandma now.!! I know a couple of moms who had to wrestle their child to win!! You should take a break! You need one! It will give you the energy you need to continue on!!
I’m so sorry that you all have to deal with that level of defiance. I have incredibly rough days with my two girls, and those days, I just want to get away too. I think it’s a normal thought to most, if not all, parents. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a human, dealing with human emotions. You just have to believe things will get better, and give yourself the time to cry once in a while.