I’m sitting on the floor in the hallway crying as I wipe the blood from my bleeding toe. It was stinging, but I wiped it clean and applied a bandaid, hoping I hadn’t gotten any blood on the floor between my daughter’s room and the cabinet.
The tears are running down my face and my youngest son (7 years old) comes up and puts his arms around me. He tells me that I’m “the best mom in the whole world”. That makes the tears fall faster. I thank him and he stands away from me and says, “I wish I had a gun that I could shoot at Kylie and make her behave. I wish I could shoot her with something that would make her have a better attitude. Don’t you wish it was the future and I could just shoot a laser at her and she’d be nice”.
I about lost it. I didn’t know what to say. I wish it were just that easy.
The hour prior to this conversation, my husband and I had been struggling with our daughter. Everything began when I simply asked her to make sure her clean clothes were in the clean clothes basket and her dirty clothes were in the laundry room. She refused and it was downhill from there.
We try not to argue. We told you to go do this and if you don’t, there will be consequences.
She doesn’t hear that she can still do the right then, she only hears the consequences. She only hears that she will lose playing time tomorrow. She doesn’t hear what we actually said….”Kylie, you need to go pick up your room….it will only take about a minute. If you don’t follow our directions, you will have consequences. You have to earn your free time to play outside with your friends.” No, she heard, you’re not going outside.
It takes both my husband and I to put her in a hold now. Since she was in the hospital it seems the medication has made her stronger and more aggressive. In the past she had never actually swung at ME. She had pushed me, scratched me, kicked me, but never actually tried to punch me. Last night she was starting to act like she was going to bite my leg as well. She’s never bit me. She’s bit my husband and left him big bruises, but this was a first for me.
Last night she did. Last night she punched my arm and I caught several punches and put her into a safety hold. This isn’t the easiest thing to do being that she’s over 80lbs and I only weigh about 105. She’s almost as tall as I am. I can’t do it myself and leaving my husband to hold her isn’t normally a good idea because she blames him for everything. I can tell her she’s not going outside and she screams that he is being mean to her. No, it’s ME that’s being mean to you..if that’s what you think. Blame me. I’m okay with that. Don’t blame your step dad that has done nothing but be there for you since you were a baby. Don’t blame your step dad that loves you so much. It isn’t fair to him.
When she gets like this, give her the Benadryl to calm her down they said….
She will take them they said……
We’ve talked to her and she knows she has to take it to help calm her down they said….
They are WRONG. She won’t take them. She refuses and who knows if it really works or not. I tried to get her to take the Benadryl to really just make her tired so she’d fall asleep. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle it.
We were so hopeful that she had gotten better while in the hospital. We had two good nights and now it’s back and worse than ever.
I don’t know what our next steps will be…..but only time will tell.