I wish I had a gun to shoot my sister….

I’m sitting on the floor in the hallway crying as I wipe the blood from my bleeding toe.  It was stinging, but I wiped it clean and applied a bandaid, hoping I hadn’t gotten any blood on the floor between my daughter’s room and the cabinet.


photo credit: Dunechaser via photopin cc

The tears are running down my face and my youngest son (7 years old) comes up and puts his arms around me.  He tells me that I’m “the best mom in the whole world”.  That makes the tears fall faster.  I thank him and he stands away from me and says, “I wish I had a gun that I could shoot at Kylie and make her behave.  I wish I could shoot her with something that would make her have a better attitude.  Don’t you wish it was the future and I could just shoot a laser at her and she’d be nice”.

I about lost it.  I didn’t know what to say.  I wish it were just that easy.

The hour prior to this conversation, my husband and I had been struggling with our daughter.  Everything began when I simply asked her to make sure her clean clothes were in the clean clothes basket and her dirty clothes were in the laundry room.  She refused and it was downhill from there.

We try not to argue.  We told you to go do this and if you don’t, there will be consequences.

She doesn’t hear that she can still do the right then, she only hears the consequences.  She only hears that she will lose playing time tomorrow.  She doesn’t hear what we actually said….”Kylie, you need to go pick up your room….it will only take about a minute.  If you don’t follow our directions, you will have consequences.  You have to earn your free time to play outside with your friends.”  No, she heard, you’re not going outside.

It takes both my husband and I to put her in a hold now.  Since she was in the hospital it seems the medication has made her stronger and more aggressive.  In the past she had never actually swung at ME.  She had pushed me, scratched me, kicked me, but never actually tried to punch me.  Last night she was starting to act like she was going to bite my leg as well.  She’s never bit me.  She’s bit my husband and left him big bruises, but this was a first for me.

Last night she did.  Last night she punched my arm and I caught several punches and put her into a safety hold.  This isn’t the easiest thing to do being that she’s over 80lbs and I only weigh about 105.  She’s almost as tall as I am.  I can’t do it myself and leaving my husband to hold her isn’t normally a good idea because she blames him for everything.  I can tell her she’s not going outside and she screams that he is being mean to her.  No, it’s ME that’s being mean to you..if that’s what you think.  Blame me.  I’m okay with that.  Don’t blame your step dad that has done nothing but be there for you since you were a baby.  Don’t blame your step dad that loves you so much.  It isn’t fair to him.

When she gets like this, give her the Benadryl to calm her down they said….

She will take them they said……

We’ve talked to her and she knows she has to take it to help calm her down they said….

They are WRONG.  She won’t take them.  She refuses and who knows if it really works or not.  I tried to get her to take the Benadryl to really just make her tired so she’d fall asleep.   I couldn’t take it anymore.  I couldn’t handle it.

We were so hopeful that she had gotten better while in the hospital.  We had two good nights and now it’s back and worse than ever.

I don’t know what our next steps will be…..but only time will tell.


  1. jodi goins says

    i cant say i know what you are going through because i dont! but i do read almost every one of your post,and they are times tears run down my face! tears for you! for trying to stand so strong and for things to fly backwards each time.i cant say it will get easier,because i have no clue! but i do know this path is laid out for you for a reason! i dont know your faith and i am not trying to push mine off on you! but plz know they are a reason for this! stand tall and proud because you are one of the strongest women i have ever came across!

    • says

      Thank you Jodi. We are trying to take it all one day at a time, but it is difficult. When we think we’ve made progress and are standing up, we get pushed back down to the ground.

  2. Misty Moore Ross says

    Amber I have said it before I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am sorry for every parent that has to go through this. I wish I had a magic answer for you but I don’t. All I can do is pray and of course tell you what worked for us but that of course doesnt mean it will work for you. Again just so sorry. Hugs and prayers for you.

  3. Heather says

    Hi Amber, I have just recently read some of your posts and don’t always have the opportunity to say anything. I too have an aggressive son and daughter, both being diagnosed last year with mearly ADHD however they both tend to display oppositional Defiance towards anything and everything.

    My main point is that I see your struggle and while you may have tried this I would just like to take the opportunity to give a little tip that helps me get what I want and to keep calm waters. When my kiddos need to pick up and they want to go outside or play video games etc. I tell them you can go do that after you pick this up. Or whatever the case may be. It works more times than not. I do know that it is hard to not argue or get angry. I myself have a short fuse for things when they simply don’t want to do what I tell them.

    • says

      Heather, we are at the point where she has to earn everything…if she wants to go outside, she has to earn it and she only earns half an hour at a time….we’ve gone through SO much to try to find something that will work…and nothing does. :(

  4. Kelly Hubbard says

    My friend is going through the same thing, I pray her daughter does not hurt her.. I am sorry for any of you going through this..

  5. jennifer brando says

    I to am sorry that you are going through this also. but I do have to address the fact that I hope that what your son said did not go unrecognized due to the fact that shooting her would not help the matter and this is the first post i read from you so i don’t know the whole story but i hear the pain for you just watch what he says too cause he could do something to end your pain for you and its not in a good way. I had a friend whose daughter did that and now my friend lost both children because of it one died from the actions of the other and her oldest is in jail for 7 years I’m sure he means well but please watch how he talks and acts too prayers too you and your children hope it gets better

    • says

      He wasn’t saying he really wanted to shoot her….he wanted something magic to make her not be violent. He isn’t violent in any way…he is just frustrated with how the entire house has been with her and the fits she throws. The conversation went on and he talked about magic lasers and things…wouldn’t that be nice if that was available? Everyone could behave all the time if there was a laser like that, maybe in the future?

  6. says

    My prayers are going out to you after reading about the troubles and trying times you’re having. I’m so glad she’s got a family that love her and have her best interest at heart. Hoping today will be a better day for you all :)

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