If you’re trying to catch a butterfly, quit chasing it. Butterflies get scared and fly away when you approach them too quickly. Sit down, relax and that butterfly might just land on you.
Does that even make sense? Maybe, maybe not.
The struggles with my kids has been ongoing for a long time. I’ve had them in and out of therapy and nothing seems to be working. I’ve done everything I’m told to do and the behaviors got worse instead of better.
I haven’t updated about the progress with my kids (daughter specifically) for quite a while and that was because I really wasn’t sure what was going on. My life was turned upside down, once again, when she was hospitalized. After coming home, we continued to have issues, so we had to do something.
I could be selfish and say I don’t want her to go anywhere because I want my child with me. I want to hold her close. That isn’t fair to either one of us though.
I quit chasing the butterfly.
I let her go to stay with her grandmother. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to let go of my child. I did it because I thought it what was best for her, for me and for the rest of my family. It wasn’t safe for anyone to have her in our home. If she could do better somewhere else, maybe that was best.
It killed me. I cried and cried. I wanted her back home. I tried to bring her home, it was a failure. I ended up sending her back due to violent outbursts.
Since she’s been gone, I’ve realized a few things…..
She is mad at me. I’m okay with that. I haven’t done anything but try and help her, but at this time in her life, she doesn’t understand. Hopefully one day she will understand how much I have tried to do for her and will forgive me.
All I can do is continue to be here for her. I know she’s mad, but hopefully she’ll get over that and when she does, I’ll still be here for her. I’ll still be here and always will be.
Maybe at this time, it’s best if she isn’t here with us. This isn’t my first choice. It kills me, but at this point in time, it’s best for everyone. The entire house is less stressful without having to walk on egg shells because everyone is scared she is going to start screaming.
This isn’t the way I ever envisioned my family and it isn’t the happiest place for me, but hopefully in the long run it will work out and she will come back. I quit chasing the butterfly. I’m not pushing her. I’m not forcing her to be here (although I could). Hopefully one day she will no longer be upset with me. Hopefully one day she will fly up to me.