Quit chasing the butterflies….

If you’re trying to catch a butterfly, quit chasing it.  Butterflies get scared and fly away when you approach them too quickly.  Sit down, relax and that butterfly might just land on you.

quit chasing butterflies

Does that even make sense?  Maybe, maybe not.

The struggles with my kids has been ongoing for a long time.  I’ve had them in and out of therapy and nothing seems to be working.  I’ve done everything I’m told to do and the behaviors got worse instead of better.

I haven’t updated about the progress with my kids (daughter specifically) for quite a while and that was because I really wasn’t sure what was going on.  My life was turned upside down, once again, when she was hospitalized.  After coming home, we continued to have issues, so we had to do something.

I could be selfish and say I don’t want her to go anywhere because I want my child with me.  I want to hold her close.  That isn’t fair to either one of us though.

I quit chasing the butterfly.  

I let her go to stay with her grandmother.  I didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to let go of my child.  I did it because I thought it what was best for her, for me and for the rest of my family.  It wasn’t safe for anyone to have her in our home.  If she could do better somewhere else, maybe that was best.

It killed me.  I cried and cried.  I wanted her back home.  I tried to bring her home, it was a failure.  I ended up sending her back due to violent outbursts.

Since she’s been gone, I’ve realized a few things…..

She is mad at me.  I’m okay with that.  I haven’t done anything but try and help her, but at this time in her life, she doesn’t understand.  Hopefully one day she will understand how much I have tried to do for her and will forgive me.

All I can do is continue to be here for her.  I know she’s mad, but hopefully she’ll get over that and when she does, I’ll still be here for her.  I’ll still be here and always will be.

Maybe at this time, it’s best if she isn’t here with us.  This isn’t my first choice.  It kills me, but at this point in time, it’s best for everyone.  The entire house is less stressful without having to walk on egg shells because everyone is scared she is going to start screaming.

This isn’t the way I ever envisioned my family and it isn’t the happiest place for me, but hopefully in the long run it will work out and she will come back.  I quit chasing the butterfly.  I’m not pushing her.  I’m not forcing her to be here (although I could).  Hopefully one day she will no longer be upset with me.  Hopefully one day she will fly up to me.

Comments

  1. says

    You have done what you could my friend. Remember God IS in control and no matter what happens in the future, know you have done what is the best for everyone concerned! I am so proud of your willingness to share all you have been through with others! Perhaps this will help others in your situation.

    • says

      I share my stories because I know I am not the only one going through these types of struggles. It feels like a lonely place, but I’ve come to find that many people go through the exact same things and felt like me…..alone.

  2. Lisa Welch says

    Jusr read this and it really hit home. My oldest of five, now he’s 26, went to live with his father and his family when he was in his teens. I was not happy about that at all. I knew that he knew nothing about taking care of a teenager. After all, he hardly even saw our 3 boys qhen they were younger. That was his choice, not mine.

    Anyway, because of the outbursts and the use of street drugs, it was best that we took a break from each other. The family became more manageable, not that we didnt miss him terribly, but who he had become was not my son anymore.
    He came back to us a year later after his father let him drop out of high school, and after he attempted suicide.
    I’m not going to lie and say things were easier after that, or that things are fine now, because they’re not…yet, and may never be.

    He is back at home with me right now, after not speaking with me for over a year. Again, because of drug abuse. However, he is holding down his first job in almost 6 years, and is now paying off his court fines.

    Moral of the story, kids have to grow up in their own time. Learn their own lessons, even if it nearly kills us all.

    I wish you and your family well.

    • says

      Thank you! I hope that eventually they will understand…but for now….I can only do what I can do. I’ve given it my all, now it’s time to let them figure it out. She might only be 10, but I can’t force her…it just makes things worse.

  3. says

    As a grownup daughter of parents who quit chasing butterflies when I was a young teen, I can say she may be pissed at you now but she will get over it. I went to live with my grandmother for a while and then lived with a friend of the family. It was a great break for my parents from my outburst and violent behavior, plus it gave me a chance to start over without the old patterns. Walking on eggshells isn’t good for you or her. Coming home again was hard & it took years before I was “normal”, including a complete change in my meds (now med-free for over 10 years), change in my sleeping & eating habits, and “retraining” for all of us to break the cycle.

  4. says

    Aww!I don’t know the whole story, but I agree that you have done the right thing. I am almost certain that it will be helpful for your alls relationship in the long run. Everything else I keep trying to type to you sounds like a cliche’! I guess though I think you are very strong and that things will work out for the best!

  5. says

    Amber, you are so strong! And you’re a good mama, too! You want what’s best for her, and even thought it’s hard, you stuck with it because you know it will make her better in the long run. Good for you. Being a mom is tough work, and making sacrifices like the ones you make for your family is even tougher. Just know that there is no burden that God places on your shoulders that you cannot handle. It’s tough now, but hang in there. Things will get better <3

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