We all have our battles…

I’ve shared a tiny bit about my struggles with my kids lately.  The fact that (I really feel like) they were torn from my arms.  I cried.  I screamed.  I didn’t sleep.  I didn’t eat.  I still feel like I’ve died inside.

When I share what I’m going through, I always get told, just give it time, they will come around and they are just kids, call them every day.

No.  I will not.

I gave up so much of myself to raise those kids….as any mother does.  I quit working to be there for them, which was a really hard thing for me because I had always been very successful in my career.  Kids were more important and they needed me.

Or so I thought.

They have made it very clear (at 10 and 13) that they are okay without me.  They don’t care to talk to me or see me in any way.  When I do see them it’s like torture to get a hug.  Even though my heart is aching and tears are running down my face, they don’t care.

I’ve told them that I will always be there for them.  I have told them they can come back home whenever they like.  They answer with, I know. 

I can no longer give up my life and my happiness to try and persuade them to come home or even see/call/text/anything me.

I tried.

I failed.

I will continue to reach out.  I’m not doing it every day.  I think of them every.single.day but will not always reach out to them because not getting a response makes it harder than trying to live my life.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this after watching my aunt go through a similar, but kind of almost opposite…but not really…struggle with her son.

They live in different cities, several hours apart.  The dad has her son and has recently gotten married.  Her son is 4.  The new wife has around for nearly all his life . He wouldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t a part of it.  My aunt moved away to find better opportunities (living in a small town can be toxic and a dead end).

In a  nutshell, the dad wants his new wife to adopt their son.

Okay, so my aunt has a decision to make….

At the moment, she doesn’t get to see him.  She tries to call and either they won’t put him on the phone or he simply says he doesn’t want to talk to her.

It hurts.

She has decided to allow the new wife to adopt her son, as an open adoption….so she will still be able to see him, etc.

This caused an outrage on her Facebook page.   Her friends were so mad that she was giving up rights.

At first, I was too.

Then I thought about it.

I don’t blame her one bit.  It hurts to have that type of rejection from your kids.  It hurts to want to talk to them so badly and keep being told no.  It hurts.

Sometimes it is easier to allow them to go…for now and hope that later down the road things change.

You can’t keep your life on hold hoping that the next time you reach out they will change.  You just can’t.  You have to continue living your life.

Judge as you will….we all do, it’s human nature…..but realize that at some point, you can’t allow yourself to be hurt any longer.  You can’t put yourself through the pain any longer.  For your health, for your sanity you need to let go.

The decision you make may not be the one that you like, but it may be the decision that is necessary.

 

Comments

  1. says

    My boyfriend and I have been together for over 13 years, since his daughter was 3. Since she started school, we have had her the majority of the time. Her mother never wanted to be involved, never attended parent/teacher conferences, softball games, football games where she was a cheerleader. She never took her to doctor’s appointments, practices, school functions, etc. But we did. We gave up a lot to accommodate for what she wouldn’t do. My boyfriend even continued to pay child support even though the only time his daughter saw her mother was every other weekend (and not even that some times) because she said she hated being with her because all she did was sleep and yell, never cooked, made her do all the chores around the house, and never wanted to leave the house. Now at almost 17, his daughter recently decided she no longer wanted to live with us. We were too mean, too strict, or too boring, whatever. Her mom is now letting her boyfriend spend with night with her and letting her stay out late at night and run the roads all day long. This happened very suddenly with no real good explanation. It’s a slap in our faces but slowly we are trying to move. We love her but we are tired of trying to make her love us. We have been nothing but good to her. I hate when people say “She’s just a kid.” No, she knows better than to treat those she loves like dirt.

    • says

      OMG I know exactly what you are going through…my husband has been in the kids lives for…ever. We were already living together for her first birthday…..both the kids blame everything on him now and want nothing to do with him…I can’t imagine how he feels when he always took care of them, was there for them and they act like he was the worst person ever. It is seriously a horrible thing to experience.

  2. Tonya says

    I really can’t imagine what you are going through and I know it would hurt. Everyone does say time will make it better but I am sure that is not helping the pain now. You have to let them go, and you have to take care of yourself. Right now focus on YOU feeling better. I don’t judge people because I am not walking in their shoes. I have no right. I am sure I have done things that others would love to start judging me about. We each have our own life path to go.

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